Fragile Lonely Tree, October, 2018
I've tired of making a fake laugh, fake smile, fake expression, fake life.
Okay maybe some of you felt offended because sometimes I'm too pushy or too forcing everytime I asking you to hangout with me. Im sorry because I don't mean to bother you or anything, I'm just feeling lonely, all the time, even with so many people around me I'm still feeling lonely.
This loneliness has fucked me up.
I don't care if everyone said I just looking for attention but actually yes, I am.
I'm looking for attention all the time, I'm tired of being lonely.
This loneliness has fucked me up.
I don't care if everyone said I just looking for attention but actually yes, I am.
I'm looking for attention all the time, I'm tired of being lonely.
Feels like no one really paying attention on me, ever. Feels like no one ever acknowledge or even notice me. Feels like everything around me is nothing but a wasteland.
I think a simple "Hi/Hello/How are you" is enough for me since no one ever ask me that. I wonder are you people dont realize that I'm exist? or maybe y'all thinking that I'm just nobody?
I'm here, I'm exist and I need somebody, but I ain't got nobody.
I used to feel joy and now i have nothing left but an emptiness, numb.
Everytime I'm making a silly jokes, I never meant to be funny, I'm actually just looking for attention, its just one of my own way to get away from loneliness.
I making jokes, I maybe laugh, but doesn't mean I'm happy.
Sometimes I'm thinking, why should I born in this fucked up life.
I want to be happy. If only i can. I wish.
But does it mean I'm sad? no I'm not, I'm not sad or even happy. I'm just empty. I am numb.
I'm just a fragile lonely tree in a wasteland.
Sincerely,
ZM